Doubts and Morning Routines
by x-smith
Summary: Matt is having doubts about his friendship with the rest of the group, a talk with his father makes him feel better. set just after season 1. hopefully better than it sounds. i don't own


Doubts and Morning Routines.

Matt groaned as he was awakened by an annoying beeping. He glanced at his alarm clock as he turned it off. 6:30. He groaned again as he struggled to remember exactly what had possessed him to want to get up this early. Nothing came to mind and he was just rolling over to go back to sleep when his father rapped smartly on his bedroom door.

"Matt? Come on son its time to get up – you're going to be late for school."

Matt groaned for the third time that morning. School, great. "I'm getting up now Dad!" he called, sitting up and wishing he could just go back to sleep. It had been a long and interesting summer, and he was sorry it had come to an end – but if life had taught him anything it was that nothing good ever lasted for long, and this summer had been one of the best things to have ever happened to him in his life.

Or the worst – depending on how you looked at it.

Matt had spent the vast majority of the extra-long summer running around with a bunch of other kids and trying to save two worlds from destruction – and he'd had the time of his life while doing it. After having adventures in which he was constantly under threat of being killed himself, or watching the same happen to his friends and little brother the idea of school seemed kind of tame, boring. Normal. He entered his kitchen and began gathering the things he would need to make breakfast. He listened to the familiar sound of his father turning the shower on, and he began to wander. What was going to happen to him now? Would life return to the way it was before? He knew some things hadn't changed - his parents were still divorced and his little brother still lived with his mother somewhere on the other side of the river.

_That's one of the things I'm going to miss the most_ he thought, cracking some eggs into a bowl and reaching for a small whisk. _I've gotten used to TK being around all the time, seeing him every day, and now he's gone again – just like when Mum and Dad first got divorced._ He sighed, turning on the heat under a small frying pan and putting some oil into it. He could only imagine what it was like for TK living out there without any of the other digidestined kids. Matt supposed he should count himself lucky to still have his friends at least living in the same district as him – and going to the same school.

School. Sometimes Matt thought 'school' was just a code-name that the government used for their brainwashing prisons – at least that's what it felt like sometimes. And today he would be going back. He smiled as he remembered the reaction of his best friend, Taichi Kamiya, when his mother had said school would be starting again soon.

"No!" Tai had cried, dropping to his knees and clasping his hands in front of his face in a typical begging position. "Please! Resurrect the Dark Masters! Throw away my soccer ball! Force-feed me that mush you made for dinner last night for the rest of my life! Just don't make me go back there!"

The comment about the 'mush' had gotten Tai grounded for the last three days of the holiday but it had still been funny to watch.

Matt sighed again, tipping the eggs into the frying pan with a hiss and began to stir them. Tai. That was something else that worried him. Most of Tais other friends were on the soccer team with him – but Matt wasn't interested in soccer. Never had been, and he doubted he ever would be. Really the only things he had in common with Tai were the events of the summer just past and the fact that they both had younger siblings whom they would die to protect. What would Tai do now that he wasn't being forced to hang around with Matt? Would they still be best friends? Or would Matt simply get fazed out of the other boys life? Matt knew he wouldn't blame Tai if he _did_ get fazed out – after all, they had known each other (existed) for years and had never been friends before now – but that didn't mean he wanted it to happen. The truth was this was the first time since the divorce that Matt had actually _had_ friends, and he was only just realising how much he had missed the company of other kids his age.

"Well," Matt muttered to himself, dropping some bread in the toaster, "I'll just have to see how things go over the next few days – besides, even if Tai forgets about me, I can still hang with one of the others. Perhaps Izzie – if I can get him off the computer for more than five minutes. Or Joe, he isn't so bad now that he's stopped jumping at his own shadow. Not Mimi though. She's great and all but I can only handle her in small doses, having her around too much gives me a head-ache." The toast popped and Matt transferred it to a plate before dumping the scrambled eggs on top. "Not Sora either. She's kinda cute and really sweet and everything, but…hmm, I'm sure there's a reason why not her. Lets see, she's a bit of a tomboy, so she wouldn't get on my nerves like Mimi. She likes soccer but isn't as into it as Tai, so we could have a decent conversation about something besides the last game she saw. She's smart too, but not as obsessed as Izzie, and she gets nervous or scared fairly easily but that just makes her look even cuter…" Matt stopped and gave himself a shake. "Where did that one come from? I'm trying to find reasons not to be her friend not 100 things I love about Sora! Wait a sec…why do I want reasons not to be friends? Oh nice one Yamato." He frowned as he sat down at the table and got himself a bowl of cereal. "You're so convinced that they're going to leave you in the dust that you're actually trying to convince yourself to push them away! So much for the Crest of Friendship." He sighed and buried his head in his hands. "I thought I was past this."

"Past what?"

Matt looked up to see his father standing in the bathroom doorway dressed in his blue bathrobe with his hair dripping. "Nothing Dad." Matt lied easily, thinking fast. "Just missing Gabumon is all." He wasn't about to tell his father what was really on his mind, he wouldn't understand – grown-ups never did. And it wasn't as though it was a big lie; he really did miss his digimon.

"Ah," Mr Ishida gave Matt a small smile. "Don't worry son, pretty soon things will be back to normal. We humans are creatures of habit – and see? You're already slipping back into the old routines!" he added, indicating the scrambled eggs on toast that matt had made for him. Matt blinked and stared at the eggs for a moment. His father was right; he hadn't really been thinking about what he was doing, his body had just gone on autopilot. He looked up again as his father sat down and fixed Matt with a level look. "When you feel ready to talk about what's really bothering you, I'm ready to listen – just come and find me."

Matt blinked again and gave his father a sheepish smile as both of them began to eat. Maybe grown-ups weren't completely clueless after all. _Should I tell him? If I do will he understand or would he just tell me to stop being paranoid and trust my friends?_ Then Matt frowned. _Why don't I just do that anyway? It isn't exactly bad advice…_he sighed. Then cleared his throat and fidgeted slightly. Oh well, what was the worst that could happen?

"Hey, Dad? About that whole 'everything going back to normal' thing? Do you really think it will?" Matt looked up to see his father studying his intently from the other side of the table and lowered his gaze back to his food. He began talking very fast. "I mean…with you always working late, and mum and I not talking, and me never seeing TK and my friends…" Matt trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

Mr Ishida stared at Matt for a moment longer before speaking. "You're really worried about this stuff aren't you?" Matt nodded glumly and his father sighed. "Well so far as the family is concerned, anytime you want to talk to your mother she is just a phone call away. How often you talk to her is entirely up to you. If you want to see your brother then go ahead – you're old enough now to be taking the train down and I'm sure your mother won't mind, just let me know when you'll be home." He paused and considered for a moment. "As for me always working late, you know I can't always control that, but I _will_ try to be home more often from now on. I know it can't be easy for you being at home on you own all the time. In fact now that I think about it, it's a miracle that you haven't said anything about it before now."

Matt bit his lip nervously. It wasn't a miracle at all, he remembered all too clearly that most of the arguments his parents had had before the divorce had started with his mother complaining about his fathers work schedule and how little he was home. Matt knew it was stupid but somehow it had gotten into his head that bringing it up would lead to his family splintering even further – and then he would be truly alone. So he had kept his mouth shut and tried to convince himself that he liked being alone anyway, it had even worked for a while. It wasn't until Gabumon bit him in the leg and threatened to leave if he didn't stop moping that he realised how much being alone really frightened him. Of course he couldn't tell his father that, he hadn't meant to say anything about him working late – it had just sort of slipped out. This being the case, Matt was relieved when his father moved on to a slightly different topic.

"Now what was the problem with your friends?"

Matt sighed. "I don't know, it's just…they all have their own groups from before, you know? Tai and Sora have their soccer buddies, and Izzie's in the year below. So is Mimi and she has all her cheerleading friends anyway, and Joe is in the year above, so where does that leave me?

Mr Ishida considered for a moment before saying, "If your other friends have their own groups why can't you? There must be someone else at school you get along with."

Matt blinked in surprise. He hadn't even considered the possibility that someone besides the digidestined might want to be friends with him. "I guess…a few people." He smiled sheepishly. "I hadn't thought of it like that." His father smiled warmly.

"I didn't think you had." He said starting on his breakfast again. "So what was it that had you so worried again?"

Matt grinned. "I have no idea." Then he glanced at the clock. "But I had better get moving if I don't want to be late. I still have to shower and dig my uniform out from wherever its been hiding over the summer." Matt got up from the table and headed to the bathroom for his shower as his father chuckled. He paused at the door and turned back. "Thanks Dad." He said softly.

"Any time son, but do you think our next little heart-to-heart could wait until after breakfast?" Mr Ishida gave his son a small mock-frown. "My eggs are cold!"

Matt laughed. "Hey it was your idea for us to talk not mine! There's left-overs in the fridge, just grab whatever you want for lunch and I'll have the rest." This time his father frowned for real.

"You know," he sighed warily "if your mother heard you say that she'd have a fit and start yelling at me, and as much as I hate to admit it she might have a reason to. Sometimes I wander if I'm looking after you or you're looking after me!"

Matt shook his head solemnly. "Mum never had a reason to yell at anyone. I would have thought it were obvious Dad, we look after each other. That's what a family is for." Then he disappeared into the bathroom before his father could say anything else; after all, he still had to get ready for school.

As Matt pulled his top up over his head he found himself looking forward to going back to the brainwashing prison. His father was right, if the others had non-digidestined friends then he so could he, and finding those friends would be half the fun. No matter what happened now, Matt promised himself that he would never be alone again – whether Taichi wanted to be his friend or not. There were a few other boys at school who liked music; maybe he could get to know some of them a bit better? He was already on good terms with one or two. Akira was probably the friendliest of them.

_It shouldn't be too hard to get to know him a little better_ Matt thought musingly. _After all we have more-or-less the same taste in music, and if all else fails I can always just tell him I want to learn the guitar._ Akira was almost fanatical about the guitar and Matt had seen the other boy giving lessons to his classmates before now. It wouldn't be difficult to convince him that Matt was serious; after all he _did_ have that acoustic guitar his grandfather had given him for his last birthday. Matt figured so long as he had it he might as well learn to play it, and if doing so earned him a new friend…well that was just a bonus. The young blond grinned to himself as he turned the taps on. This was going to be a good year.


End file.
